A Real Mom (of two) Guilt
October 2, 2018
Recently, some of my followers on Instagram have direct messaged me the nicest compliments, saying I’m a great mother because I have my ‘life together’ with my children. If you’re a mom, you know a compliment like that is equivalent to getting told your butt looks good in those jeans. However, as nice as those compliments are, I don’t want to ever come across as the perfect mom. I’m simply doing what I need to do in order to raise decently kind and empathetic human beings. Some days, I really do have it all together, but other days, I’m just getting by, waiting for bedtime to roll around. I still experience mom guilt— more now with two kiddos than when I only had Little Drew.
For me, mom guilt creeps up in the most random moments.
When I’m trying to use the bathroom but instead spend twenty minutes scrolling through Facebook and Instagram when I know I should have been in and out and now don’t know what my toddler may be up to.
When I offer to drive to the store to pick up miscellaneous items just so I can have an hour to myself, only to feel bad that I’m not home with the kids.
Or when I’m constantly wondering if I’m even doing this whole parenting thing the “right” way.
But now, I have two children so I’m experiencing a whole new wave of mom guilt because I have a toddler and a newborn— two completely different stages in life with their own personal needs.
Our daughter Jade welcomed us in late July. She is now two months old and is starting to show everyone her personality; she is calm, content, critical, and charming. At the moment she adores people’s voices. It will brighten her entire mood (resting B-face 24-7).
Then there is our two year old, Drew. He is my high spirited and fearlessly independent little boy. My adventurer. A curious and sweet toddler. He is constantly laughing and pretending to trip just to get someone’s reaction, but then he can be a quiet hurricane too.
I want to snuggle with my little man in the crib while he sips on his milk and focuses on Clubhouse Mickey Mouse, but I also want to get Jade to curl her tiny fingers around my thumb.
It is heartbreaking knowing if I focus my attention on one of my children, then the other one is being neglected somehow.
Sometimes, when I can’t sleep or am laying next to one of my children, I begin asking myself questions like:
Will my toddler have a short attention spam because I allowed him to watch more television than usual because I played on the carpet with my newborn?
Will my children not do well socially their first couple years in grade school because I never enrolled them in daycare?
Will my children not even be bilingual because I speak to them more frequently in English? I don’t want them to be the only hispanic kids who do not speak a word of Spanish.
Am I doing something wrong because my toddler hates children’s books?
Is Drew going to resent me for interrupting his mealtime to nurse Jade at the kitchen table?
Is my youngest getting the same amount of attention as Drew got?
Should Drew be using the toilet by now because Drew wears diapers at almost two years and a half?
The list could honestly keep going on and on.
These questions I ask myself are a reminder to you (and myself) that I have imperfections. I am a regular (but cool too, don’t get it twisted) mom with areas in motherhood that are a work in progress.
A down point in my life whenever the mom guilt creeps up, but I’m slowly overcoming it. I currently remind myself that I had a second child so my first born would never feel alone growing up (his older siblings are much older). My children will always experience a sibling so not giving them my undivided attention is okay because I’ve given them both a life-long gift.
I also decided not to allow any more mommy guilt into my jam-packed brain. I could use the time to focus on spending more time singing and dancing to the ‘Muffin Man’ (currently all Drew wants to do) with my oldest or rhyming silly words in sentence to my infant.
If mom guilt pops up in my head, I change my focus completely.
I focus on my two beautiful children and how happy I am to have brought them into this world.